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About Photography / Student Hey LeeFemale/United States Group :iconfreaks-of-words: Freaks-of-words
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  • Mood: Hurt
  • Listening to: white noise because my song ended
  • Reading: my own words
  • Watching: myself type
  • Playing: how fast can you type!
So, like the title says, this will be a personal thing and I'm a bit worried about that. There are some people that watch me that I can see taking this information and being total dick wads about it, but I really kind of need to put it somewhere and hopefully I can just talk to some people because it really messed me up. 
Before I start (I guess) if you think this is stupid, bull crap or faked in any way, I really feel sorry for you. I didn't know someone could be that heartless...with that said, think what you want. Call me what you want and then move on because you're not going to hurt me. I am perfectly fine with who I am and so are my friends and family and I couldn't ask for more. 

Okay, so....I know I mentioned in my last journal about how last year was a hard year for me. Well, the fresh start I was hoping for didn't make it around this year. Last year I was told by my friend (for privacy) Blue, that she was not going to be permitted by her mother to be in band with me this year. 
    The back story: She's bi, likes me, her mother blames me and takes it out on her daughter. 
So, I went to band camp expecting I wouldn't see her there. Wrong! Her mom changed her mind and let her be in band. I had my friend back and we all seemed happy. Then, I started feeling something for her. She wasn't going to protest and we started dating the first week of school. Cue the lightning: at the first game we were hanging out, holding hands, having a great time. The next week, Monday...she's not at school, Tuesday...not there, Wednesday...NOT THERE!! Now, I'm worried. If she had been sick she would have been on facebook and posted about it because that was the only way we could communicate; sub-posting. Thursday we didn't have school and I'm freaking out inside, outside I had to be cool as to not tip off my parents but on the inside I was a hot mess. Friday comes and I'm stalking around the school. I find her and sure enough, her mother had been told by one of her friends that we had not only been hanging out the week earlier but that we had also been holding hands. She was taken out of school and is now being homeschooled.....
I'm not even upset anymore about losing my girlfriend, because that I can live with. Again, say what you will, but I've gotten over the whole heartbreak thing...for the most part. The part that really gets me now is that I lost my best friend...because her MOTHER doesn't like the fact that her daughter is bisexual. I am feeling like that one, lone life raft in the middle of the ocean after a ship wreck that just floats lost as can be, all because she can't accept her daughter. I can't even explain in words how alone I've felt. She was my rock. She knew everything about my: how to make me laugh, how to piss me off, what I liked to talk about and what didn't sit well with me. We could talk for hours and not run into a single awkward silence. Whenever I needed to talk, she was right there and whenever I didn't want to talk she got it and would just sit there with me in the silence and I knew that she wasn't going to leave me. Not having her there has just thrown my life upsidedown and it doesn't help that I have another friend who has basically told me to just get over it and that I really need to move on because I starting to depress her. I've just been off and I don't know how to set it sucks. I don't get why sexuality has to be such a huge fucking deal...pardon the language. I actually don't want to swear anymore, so I'm trying to stop but that one thing just really bothers me. 

Really, I put this up because I feel like I've made friends with a few of you who watch me and I'd like to see how you'd handle this or if you have any tips on how I can set things back to a functional normal. Really, I feel a bit better just by typing it out and getting it all off my chest. Thanks if you read this far, please if you have anything to comment (that is positive) please feel free to, I'd really apreciate it. :) Bye 


laughlovelivedie's Profile Picture
Hey Lee
Artist | Student | Photography
United States
It's really hard to explain someone that you feel detached from, or that you really can't say you know anymore. It's like describing the atmosphere in Paris, the comradery of the Olympic games, the joy of becoming a parent, the scared as fuck feeling you get when your about to die without being there or having experienced any of them. So, I can't explain myself or describe my personality to you without having known myself, without the biased opinion I hold of myself...good or bad...whichever you seek

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AnimatorAR Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
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Thank you for the fav <3 Llama Emoji 10 (Shy) [V1] 
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